5 Signs of Codependency
Fear of abandonment
Fixer or caretakes others
Struggles to say ''no'' + set boundaries
Attracts emotionally unavailable partners
Codependency describes one person’s behaviors and attitudes rather than the relationship as a whole. Someone who is codependent often builds their identity around helping others. They may “depend” on others to validate their self-worth. A codependent person may deny their own desires or emotions to get this approval. (Goodtherapy)
There are several other examples of what characterizes a codependent person, but these 5 were the most infamous traits I struggled with. The order does not matter, if anything they could all be 1 trait balled into 1.
deny their own desires or emotions to get... approval
From clothing options, to jobs worked, as well as being friends with people who have come and gone; for many years, I let others dictate those moments for me. Other people had control over decisions in my life. Scared to trust myself. Afraid of failing and having to face myself/actions and not be able to blame another if it backfired. I struggled with codependency for a long time.
The fear of abandonment cost me: relationships and friendships People pleasing cost me: standing up for myself and caused overthinking
Fixing and caretaking cost me: sleep and caused anxiety...for taking others' issues on as my own
Lack of boundaries and not saying no cost me: self love
Emotionally unavailable partners cost me: years of crying, emotional torment and weight loss/gain
All losses no gains. For what? For lack of identity, lack of self-awareness, low self-worth? God was not able to hug me, but He sure reassured me and got me through. I would not be here today (this may be a repeated statement in future blogs) if not for God! He helped me choose me. Like...really!
I chose: A little caution and communication to preserve and maintain current relationships A little anxiety and mumbling so that I can stand up for myself A little emotional and physical social distancing from others to fix and care for ME (#2020) A little 'I did not appreciate that' and ”no, thank you” for a lot of self love A little question asking and discernment for no crying, stable emotions and consistent weight!
My name is Michael Sara Joseph, and I am an ex-codependent!