• Michael Sara

Me? Emotionally Unavailable?!

Who knew, that codependency, fear of commitment and being overlooked by guys would result in emotional unavailability! But, it was only logical, right?

When in Rome, you do as the Romans, no?

Hurt people, hurt people.

You attract who you are.

(Keep in mind, the last 2 catchy hip sayings were not a thing back in my day).

I digress! The oversaturation of emotionally unavailable men I was attracting caused me to treat the innocent men who were genuinely interested in me, like rubbish.

Why? Well thinking back now, it's easy to see that I was dealing with an excess of unaddressed issues causing me to go for men who verbally told me:

1)I just got out of a 5 year relationship (with a high school sweetheart)

2)I don't want a relationship right now

3)I don't want to be seen in public with a female

But, me daydreaming and thinking ''I can change that''!

However, not being able too and it blowing up in my face, I treated other guys the same. I (yes, me) was even called a player. Due to how honest/heartless I was with my words/actions and trying to retaliate subconsciously. Talking to men the way men talked to me. I thought I was protecting my heart, when in reality I was a hurt person hurting people. Control.

Wanting to control my environment and prevent anyone from getting too close. I was able to manipulate things to my advantage. I was using men. By keeping my heart closed off and functioning out of hurt (I thought was protection) no guy was able to get close to me until I was ready. No guy was able to break down my walls and woo me or be genuine. I was always suspicious. Sounds insane doesn't it?

Unfortunately, this way of operating is more common than you think! In fact, a lot of people operate out of this state, thinking they are protecting themselves trying to prevent hurt. Thinking that, keeping things ''casual'' or ''going with the flow'' or ''no titles'' will keep things safe. Trust me! It never ends well and I am sure you have heard it before, that someone always has the smallest bit of hope that it will go further. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but possibly the day after tomorrow.

You think to yourself, one day they will remove their rose colored shades and see that you've been there all along. I can fix them. They will like me just the same after all the things I have done for them. I've been on both ends, and it's very rare that it works. The goal is for both people to be emotionally available and vulnerable at the same time.

I realized that I had to address certain internal things, figure out some standards (different than values) and keep them.

Guess what? I was able to finally position myself to be receptive to the person who was equally emotionally available and interested in me and I in them. Resulting in us both seeing